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louie9090 · Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 9:42 am Post subject: uh... a thing?

didn't know where to put this... but here seems fitting. ok, it's not an RP plot, it's a story. and i rather like the Xae combination, so i used it again lol. here's the prolog:

The shadowy figure moved silently through the night, a bulging sack slung over one shoulder. He was immensely pleased with himself for getting this far without the alarm being sounded. It had been easier then he’d thought it would be.
After about an hour of careful travel, he came to a small clearing in the middle of a forest. Crouching in the shadow of a large tree, he hooted like an owl and waited. An answering call came from the other side. He stood and walked boldly into the open, unaware of any danger. “Daru? Where ar-“ His puzzled whisper was cut short by an arrow in his throat. Within seconds the clearing was alive with soldiers.
A man stepped through the crowd and walked over to the body. He kicked it aside and picked up the sack, a cold grin on his face. “We’ve got it,” He said, holding the sack up triumphantly. “And a prisoner, too. The king will be pleased, and when he is happy, he will make sure we are happy also.” A cheer went up from the men.
“Let’s move out!” After the soldiers moved out of the clearing, a small shape scurried down a tree and raced away.

Daeri ran as fast as her tiny feet could carry her. Being a sprite, she could fly, but only if the sun was out. She knew from seeing maps of the area that if she traveled east, eventually she’d reach Shadowslight, which was where the most important commanders of the rebellion lived. They needed to know what had happened.
Erid was dead, and Daru was in the hands of the enemy. Erid had been a key part of the spy network at Sywnlyn, the fortress-town that King Rienen and the royal family lived in. Daru had been disguised as a merchant, acting as the messenger boy; taking information and giving it.
Around dawn Daeri came to the city gates, but her small voice couldn’t be heard over the early morning bustle inside the city. The sun was above the tree-tops when she gave up shouting, so she gathered her strength and flew to the top of the gate. The soldier standing there didn’t see her, so she tapped him on the shoulder.
He jumped and turned around. “Excuse me, but I need to see the commanders, please.” Daeri said politely. The man didn’t know what to say. “It’s very important, you see,” He nodded dumbly. With a tiny sigh, Daeri flew off in the direction of the inns, knowing someone who could help her.

Idaur was sleeping when a tiny knock came from his window. He moaned and turned over. The meeting wasn’t until after lunch, and he wanted to catch up on his sleep. The knocking continued, only louder. “Go away,” his voice was muffled by the pillow he had put over his head in an attempt to block out the noise. Didn’t they know a young man needed his sleep?
The knocking went on for a second longer before stopping. Sighing with relief, Idaur turned onto his back, his eyes still closed. Something landed on his chest with a soft thump, and a high-pitched voice said “Idaur! Wake up; I need to ask a favor, if that’s alright.” Idaur did wake up, hearing that voice. “Daeri? Oh, um, of course it’s all right. Yes, ask away, anything at all,” he said groggily, rubbing his eyes. He always sounded like an idiot in the morning.
“I need you to take me to see the commanders, please. It’s rather urgent, and the soldiers weren’t any help.” He sat up, causing Daeri to fall backwards. “Sorry,” Idaur mumbled, getting out of bed and moving over to his wash table. “I’ll take you to see them; sure… just let me get dressed first.” He splashed cold water on his face and moved into the other room. A few moments later, he came out again wearing a clean shirt and britches.
He held out his hand to Daeri, who stepped onto it. He moved it to his shoulder so she could sit on it. Idaur stepped out of his room and locked the door behind him, moving out into the hallway. “Which commander do you want to see?” he asked, turning his head to look at her. “Commander Rhyden,” she said, confidence in her squeaky voice.
Idaur nodded and started to walk towards the Commander’s room. He stopped suddenly and asked “Why do you need to see Commander Rhyden?” Daeri look at him somberly and said “Because Erid’s dead,” Idaur paled and continued his walk to the Commander’s room. Erid had been his friend.

Rhyden was in the middle of some paper work for the meeting later on when an urgent knock sounded at his door. He got up and opened the door to find a very pale captain Idaur standing there with a small sprite on his shoulder.
“Commander Rhyden?” the sprite’s voice was very high-pitched, meaning she was female. He couldn’t fathom why a sprite would want to see him, but he bowed and said “What can I do for you?” She glanced up and down the hallway. “Can we discuss this is your room, please?” Surprised and curious, Rhyden nodded and motioned for them to come in.
Idaur sat down heavily in the chair he was offered, and the sprite stood up and bowed on his shoulder. “My lord, I bring terrible news; Erid, one of the spies in Sywnlyn, is dead, and Daru is captured. They had gotten the Aaren out of the city, but there was an ambush and it was taken back. Daru knows every spy in that city! If they find a way to make him talk, our people are in grave danger. My lord, we have to warn them somehow!”
Rhyden sat in silence, considering his options. “We need someone to get into Sywnlyn, but with the discovery of out spies, they won’t let just anybody in. And if we sneak someone in, what will they say if questioned? We need someone experienced in the arts of trickery…” he had an idea, but it wasn’t something that was usually done. He needed a child, around the age of 13 years old, but not just any child. He needed one that didn’t have to go through weeks of training: he needed a street rat.

and here's chapter one:

Xaedanna, or Xae for short, was about 14 years of age, although she didn’t know exactly what her it was. She wore a stolen shirt and a pair of britches, even though girls her age usually wore dresses; but most girls her age didn’t live on the streets like she did. She was tall for her age, with unruly black hair cut just above her ear and bright blue-green eyes flecked with grey.
Most people mistook her for a boy, but Xae didn’t mind. Her two friends, Vassan and Amir, knew she was a girl. They were out looking for a good pocket to pick when a soldier shouted “Hey, you three!” Xae, Vassan, and Amir looked at each other for a moment before scattering in different directions.
The soldier must have brought some of his buddies, because Xae could hear orders being shouted. She glanced behind her and saw a soldier chasing after her, so she ran faster. When she looked back a moment later, he had stopped, hands on his knees and breathing hard.
Ha, that fat pig couldn’t catch a- “Gotcha!” her triumphant thoughts were cut off by big, muscular arms being wrapped around her. She squeaked in surprise, trying to get away. “Oh no you don’t!” The man was in his early twenties, with brown hair and green eyes. A band around his fore-arm marked him as a captain. Xae struggled for a moment longer before stopping, realizing that this man wasn’t going to let her go any time soon.
“You’re coming with me,” The man said sternly. “But I din’t do nothin’!” Xae protested. “Honest, I din’t!” The man chuckled. “Then why did you run away?” He had a point. “Uh… ‘cause being arrested ain’t ever good, even if you din’t do nothing wrong. Like me,” she said, recovering quickly.
The man, who was pulling her along the alleyway, looked down at her for a moment. “The Commander will be happy we picked you,” he murmured. Xae did her best to stop, but it didn’t do anything except slow him down. “Wait, picked me for what? I ain’t going nowhere, or doing anythin’, for your co-mmander!” she exaggerated the first syllable, trying to loosen the grip on her arm. It tightened. “I wouldn’t talk to the Commander like that if I were you,” the man said, laughter in his voice.
Xae tried to pry his fingers open, but that didn’t work either. “Hey, I don’ know who your commander is, but I ain’t going to see ‘im! He sounds boring.” The man chuckled again but said nothing, waving to a soldier on his way through a doorway. She hadn’t noticed where they were going, being so busy trying to get away.
The building was nice, with expensive things hanging on the wall. Xae eyed them before saying “Well, if you ain’t going ta let me go,” she looked at him hopefully, but he smiled and shook his head “Then could ya at least tell me where we’re goin’?” He nodded “We’re going to meet the Commander,” he said simply, opening a set of big oak doors and bowing to the far end.
Xae followed him in but didn’t bow. Whoever had ordered her brought in here wasn’t going to get much except annoyance and aggravation from her. “Search her,” a tall middle-aged man ordered from a chair at the far end. This must’ve been who the man had been bowing to. A man in the robes of a mage stepped forward and raised his hand. She shrank back instinctively, remembering bad-tempered people who liked to hit street urchins like her.
The man at the far end raised and eyebrow but other then that did not move. A feeling like cold water being poured down her back washed over her for a moment before subsiding. “She’s clean.” The mage said.
The man, who Xae assumed was the Commander, stirred in his chair. “She’s a girl?” The other men in the room began to mutter. “Well, I ain’t a boy, if that’s what you’re askin’. What’s it to ya, anyhow?” Xae said, legs spread wide and hands on her hips. The Commander seemed to wince at her uneducated speech, and the men in the room began to argue among themselves.
“Silence!” he ordered, and instantly the room went still. “Idaur, take her up to your room, and make sure she can’t get away,” The Commander glanced at Xae, who stuck out her tongue. His eyes flashed. “I’ll be up in a minuet to continue our discussion.” The man who’d brought her –Idaur- bowed and took her arm.
“You’re very foolish, very brave, or very ignorant to talk to Commander Rhyden like that,” he said when they were out the door. Xae grinned up at him. “I ain’t any of those. I jus’ like establishin’ who’s boss, s’all.” Idaur stared down at her for a moment, a grin slowly spreading across his face. “Daeri will like you,” he said, opening a door. “Who the heck is Daeri?” Xae asked, and a high-pitched squeaky voice answered her before Idaur could respond. “I am.”
Xae scanned the room and saw a sprite sitting by the open window. “Oh,” she said, looking around the room some more. There was a bed next to one wall, and a desk under the window. A small set of drawers and a wash table sat side-by-side opposite the bed, and there was a small door set in the wall next to the bed. Idaur closed the door, gesturing for her to sit down.
“So, since you know our names, why don’t you tell us yours?” he asked, sitting on the end of the bed. Xae sat down on the desk chair and said “Xaedanna, but most people call me Xae, on account of Xaedanna is hard ta remember. What diddya bring me here for, anyhow?” Daeri and Idaur exchanged glances.
“Well…” Idaur started to say, but Daeri interrupted him. “We’ll let the Commander explain it to you.” Xae frowned at them but said only “Alright. What diddya do with my friends?” Daeri glanced sharply at Idaur, who said “They’re probably looking for you… we only needed one person, so we only really went after you.”
“Ain’t that jus’ my luck,” Xae said sourly, making a face. The door opened, and Commander Rhyden entered the room. He closed the door and said to Xae “Everything said here won’t leave this room, understood?”
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KillerSlime · Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 12:41 pm Post subject:

well written... fun to read! a little long...
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"All matter is attracted to all other matter. Therefore, it is in the basic nature of my mass to tackle your mass."

louie9090 · Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 1:28 pm Post subject:

whaddya mean, a little long? the prolog is, but chap. 1 is actually kinda short...
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KillerSlime · Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 3:29 pm Post subject:

yes, well, i meant that it took a long time to read... not a bad thing, it was entetaining for longer, but the prolauge had like 3 chapters within it...
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"All matter is attracted to all other matter. Therefore, it is in the basic nature of my mass to tackle your mass."

louie9090 · Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 8:25 pm Post subject:

what the heck do you read, Magic Tree House books? that is not three chapters, it's one! kind of long to read, i'll give you that.
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KillerSlime · Posted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 6:19 pm Post subject:

i meant relative to your last chapter, the short one.
i wasn't trying to define a chapter size, i was trying to compare... i think it's a good increment for one reading, certaintly. TBH, i think that the whole thing would make a moderately small chapter as chapters go, but compared to the chapter you defined in there...
forget i said anything.
_________________
"All matter is attracted to all other matter. Therefore, it is in the basic nature of my mass to tackle your mass."

louie9090 · Posted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 9:01 pm Post subject:

okey dokey... so far this is what i have for chapter two... lol, sob story! get your kleen-ex...

Xae thought about saying something obnoxious, but she knew that sometimes silence could both annoy and please; this was one of those times. “Is that understood?” Commander Rhyden asked sternly. “Yes, yes, get ta the point, a’ready,” Xae responded. The silence hadn’t worked out the way she had planned, but there was always good old aggravation.
He stiffened, glaring at her reproachfully before saying. “This is a serious matter, and I will have none of your back-talk. It involves the lives of many innocent people trying to help the rebellion,” if they were involved in the war, Xae couldn’t see them as ‘innocent’, but she nodded with one eyebrow raised instead of saying something. He glared at her some more before continuing.
“One of our spies in Sywnlyn is dead, and another captured. He died trying to get the Aaren out of King Rieden’s hands, and the other spy is as good as de-“ Xae interrupted him before he could get any further. “What tha heck is an ‘Aron’?” She new she’d pronounced it wrong, but she didn’t know how to pronounce it right. The Commander hesitated before saying “The Aaron is a magical crown and sword that give the wearer unlimited knowledge and strength.”
Xae cocked her head at him. “Well, no wonder he don’t want ta let it go. Wit’out that, he’s just like you n’ me,” she said, her tone falsely sweet. He lost his temper with her. “We’re talking about human lives here, not cattle! Show a little respect!” She studied him before saying seriously. “I know we ain’t talkin’ about cattle. An’ you try respectin’ someone who’s prolly passed you beggin’ in the streets without a passing glance, or someun who’s dragged you down somewhere jus’ ta get told that you gotta go risk your life fer that same person. Don’t go saying you ain’t gunna do it, ‘cause I know you are.”
Her response was met by stunned silence. Taking advantage of it, she said “Nice meetin’ y’all,” and moved towards the door. A hand clamped down on her shoulder. “Not so fast,” the Commander said coldly. Sighing audibly, she turned around and went back to her seat.
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KillerSlime · Posted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 8:50 pm Post subject:

another good chapter... about the length i was trying to compare to before... not much happens in dialouge sessions but dialouge, though...
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"All matter is attracted to all other matter. Therefore, it is in the basic nature of my mass to tackle your mass."

louie9090 · Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 9:37 am Post subject:

i said 'part of chapter 2'... here's the rest...
. “You said all that because you wanted to get out of here, not because you thought it was true?” Daeri asked.
“Well… a bit o’ both. The beggin’ part I might’ve exaggerated a li’l bit. Beggin’ is fer sissies who can’t pick pockets or nothin’ useful like that,” Xae said with a grin. The Commander rubbed his temples and said as if he hadn’t heard her “You’re right, I am going to ask you to risk your life for Daru and the other Sywnlyn spies.” He cut her off when Xae opened her mouth to object. “However difficult you may be,” he paused, and Xae smiled smugly at him “I believe Idaur was right to pick you.”
“You… are?” Idaur asked. He’d been sitting anxiously on the bed during this whole conversation, but now he relaxed slightly.

obviously, it's still not done... i'm trying to figure out where/how to end the chapter. and i'll post in the RP things later, for all you folks who are interested.
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KillerSlime · Posted: Sun Jun 11, 2006 12:11 pm Post subject:

you never said part of chapter 2... but it's still good, for a very short dialouge. i couldn't have written better, but that's pretty much universal...

_________________
"All matter is attracted to all other matter. Therefore, it is in the basic nature of my mass to tackle your mass."